It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
my liver is dry heaving
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
