I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Nobody cheats on THIS.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
