i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
