My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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