shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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