Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
