remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't motorboat a personality
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
