oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
