Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
