I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
