I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
