you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Farmville is her only friend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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