The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
