No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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