There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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