we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
