If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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