i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
