his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
