fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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