Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
two words: eviction party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
