Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
