Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
