Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
