Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
