he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
