You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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