and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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