just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
