I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
