we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
