My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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