Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
