what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nutella sex= disaster
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
