someone threw a dead crab at me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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