Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
