How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
