did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
