Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
