I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
