man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
