I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just cropdusted the office
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
