Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
