You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
