I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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