so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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