we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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