he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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