He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
