Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
