his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
