I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
