I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
