Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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