I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
