I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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