i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
